Wanting
by fireun
Summary: Being the further attempts of Tsuzuki to establish some sort of relationship with Hisoka. sequel to "Needing"
1. In which Hisoka gets a flower

Disclaimer- I still dont own YnM or any of the boys.

Well, people asked nicely, left me beautious feedback...so here is the continuation of "Needing". I think Hisoka might need a manual on the whole dating thing. he is proving to be a wee bit dense. ah well. at least Tsuzuki is giving it his best!  
as always, R and R! it makes me feel loved!  
-fireun

* * *

There was a flower on his desk. A single, fragrant stargazer lily, settled in a long necked, narrow vase sitting in the place of honor in the very center of his personal space.

Hisoka wondered if it was too late to back out of the office and pretend he had never seen the damn thing, and would therefore not have to be blushing so furiously he was sure he was glowing. The slight twist of Tatsumi's lips as he glaned out of his own office and the beaming smile on Wakaba's face as she passed with an armload of papers convinced him that would be impossible.

"Where is he?" Hisoka tried to leech every hint of emotional inflection from the works, keeping his speech clipped.

"He came in early, did some work, and so I let him have a break for breakfast." The smile had retreated to Tatsumi's eyes, leaving only his 'business' face behind. "As to where, your guess is as good as mine."

Internally, Hisoka was a snarling mass of embarrassment. Externally he was placidly apathetic, politely nodding his thanks to Tatsumi before making his way to his desk.

He had to admit, the lily did smell beautiful. And it had obviously been arranged with care...There was, ultimately, something touching about it, and that was almost enough to override Hisoka's knee-jerk reaction to his embarrassment, his typical irritable anger. Yeah, it was touching... _'I have never gotten a flower before. Hell, I died too early to have a date to give flowers to. It figures Tsuzuki would think of something like this, the idiot.'_

Tatsumi noticed the small smile on Hisoka's face and finally let his apprehension fade. He honestly hadn't known how the boy would react to such an obvious show of affection. He had presented his concerns to Tsuzuki earlier that morning, and the man had turned those purple eyes on him and smiled so sweetly Tatsumi had wanted to melt.

_'Tatsumi, if he can't handle a flower we might as well call it quits now.'_

His voice had been so soft, so determined...

That blunt honesty, so rare on Tsuzuki worried Tatsumi. His friend was leaving himself vulnerable to his empathic partner, and he was doing it purposefully. _'I won't let you be hurt, old friend. If anything goes wrong, you know I am here for you.'_

A bag plopped down onto the desk in front of Hisoka, landing directly on top of the papers he had been working on. Irritated, Hisoka swung his best glare upwards, only to meet Tsuzuki's smiling face. Tsuzuki winked languidly then trotted over to his own desk, sitting with a pleased sigh. With the amount of satisfaction Hisoka felt radiating off of his partner, he assumed that had Tsuzuki been a cat he would have been purring. Cautiously he peered into the white paper bag, and blinked in surprise.

Coffee cake.

With the delicious crumbly bits and frosting.

Cinnamon swirls...

Not that he would ever really admit it, but Hisoka had been discovering that he himself owned a sort of sweet tooth, a fact he was prone to blame on over exposure to Tsuzuki when the other man teased him about it. Coffee cakes, of all the confections the sugar addict had forced upon him thus far, were his favorite. Something must have shown on his face, some part of his surprised joy, for Tsuzuki's satisfaction turned to a thrumming contentment. Which of course led to a fresh fit of blushing on Hisoka's part. _'I need to stop flushing like a school girl every time I make him happy.' _He glanced at the flower. _'Or when he makes me happy...'_

Tsuzuki glomped onto Byakko, all but prancing about in his proud joy. "He liked it! He liked the flower and the cake!"

"I am glad you are so glad that he was glad." Byakko watched, bemused, as Tsuzuki did a little dance. "How did you know Hisoka wouldn't just smack you for making a spectacle of him, and first thing in the morning at that?"

"I didn't." Tsuzuki paused in his victory revels to plop down beside his Shikigami.

Byakko blinked. "Well, that was a bit of a risk, huh?"

"Well...I don't know...I am just not happy with being a teddy bear. They can be replaced or left at home and not thought about. I want to be thought about _by_ him as much as I think _about him_." He turned his stunning eyes towards Byakko, a slight smile twisting his face. "Funny, isn't it?"

"Not at all!" Byakko shook his head, sending his whiskers bouncing. "You deserve to be happy just as much as the next guy. So don't you get all gloomy and guilty about wanting a bit for yourself!"

"Well, it really depends on Hisoka, doesn't it?"


	2. In which there is actual work to be done

I am SO sorry it has taken so long for me to update! grad school is taking up SO much time this semester. cries  
Ah well, thank you all SO much for the comments! i appreciate it!!!!  
enjoy!

-Fireun

* * *

"I have a case for you two." Tatsumi placed a small stack of papers on Hisoka's desk, then primly crossed his arms. "You will need to look into it starting this afternoon, or as soon as you finish looking over the information we have gathered thus far- whichever happens faster." At an affirmative sound from Hisoka, who was already engrossed in the stack of paper Tatsumi retreated to his office and the endless supply of work there.

"Tsuzuki, come over here and look this over." Hisoka called absently to his partner. He should have taken a hint when he couldn't hear Tsuzuki's usual complaints at being made to work. He should have taken notice of the fact the other man was shielding his emotions. He should have...

...moved to the side.

Tsuzuki, an impish grin on his face, planted a particularly playful kiss on his partners cheek, happy at having caught the younger man unaware.

"Can you at least _pretend_ to be professional?" Hisoka snapped, cold in his embarrassment.

Tsuzuki withdrew, emotionally and physically, and sat himself down beside Hisoka, the model of a perfect employee. When Hisoka got angry he didn't get hot like most people. He went _cold_. And cold was one emotion that Tsuzuki was not good at handling.

Hisoka grimaced; feeling and _feeling_ Tsuzuki pull away. _'I am horrible to him. I really should start a betting pool on how long he will put up with me. At least this way I can make some money off of my own stupidity.' _"I'm sorry. It is early. Haven't had coffee yet. Didn't mean that to come out like it did."

It was a muttered jumble of words, but it was an apology, and Tsuzuki took it gracefully, smiling gently and standing. "I will get you some coffee, and then we can look this over without either of us killing the other."

Nodding his appreciation, Hisoka returned his attention to the case Tatsumi had handed them. It seemed straightforward enough, a simple case of murder, if one could label such a situation as placidly as all that. The oddest part of the case seemed to be that none of the victims seem to have been afraid when they died. There was no expression on the faces of the dead that suggested anything but a pleasant sort of curiosity.

"Wonderful. We get all the weird cases. I blame it on my idiot of a partner."

"Oh? Shall I add it to the list?"

Hisoka felt a blush flaring up, one of those caught-talking-to-myself bits of embarrassment made all the more interesting by a caught-by-the-person-I-was-talking-about bits of discomfort. If he hadn't known Tsuzuki well enough to know he was teasing he would be fumbling for some sort of appropriate apology. He did manage a fairly graceful recovery as he replied with "Oh? You are organized enough to keep them all in a list?" Hah. That wasn't too bad.

"Well, if I list them all out, I know exactly what ones _not _to get all, how do you usually put it...guilty and gloomy." Tsuzuki slid back into his chair with the boneless grace of a cat, depositing a steaming mug of coffee in front of his partner. "There. Coffee. Next we can have civility."

"As long as you don't expect me to make a habit of it." Hisoka muttered into the mug he snatched into anxious hands. A coffee habit. One of the other fine things he had gained in the past few months. Now it seemed as if nothing really functioned in his head until he had sucked up at least half a pot of the stuff.

His partner distracted, Tsuzuki eyed the case file, biting his lower lip thoughtfully. At least it was a new style of murder, nothing to set of the usual alarms on the Muraki-meter. "Well, 'Soka, I would suggest we start poking about and see what there is to see. Anyway..." He read a few more lines pertaining to the latest in the deaths. "There is an incredible pastry shop about a block from where this one took place. I can get myself some breakfast before all the work starts."

"How can you _think_ like that?!" Hisoka all but choked on his coffee in his amazement.

Tsuzuki's response, while not verbal, was most definitely infantile.


	3. In which Hisoka regrets breakfast

Disclaimer- While it would make me oh so happy to be able to claim the boys, they are in no way my property. they are the wonderful creations of Yoko Matsushita.

Well then. another update. again, sorry this is so slow in the writing. i kinda over estimated how much time i would have this semester. thank you all so much for the comments!!!!  
-Fireun

* * *

_'Well, it has been awhile since that has happened.'_ Hisoka glumly regarded his, now soiled, beloved sneakers, regretting the fact that he had let Tsuzuki treat him to a sinfully sugary breakfast a short two hours previous. His stomach a roiling cauldron of displeasure he pressed his head against his knees, trying to ignore the bitter tang of bile mixed with an unfortunate bit of stray sucrose that was teasing the taste buds at the back of his tongue.

It wasn't that the body of the newest victim was laid out in a particularly grotesque way- in fact she looked rather pleasantly peaceful. It was more the anguish and loathing that had seeped into the pavement and the very water droplets hovering in the humid morning air. It had been wholly unexpected, and had sent Hisoka's digestive system into an intricate series of acrobatic flips, leading to a surprise evacuation of breakfast.

Tsuzuki for his part was alternating between smothering his partner in a sort of dismayed concern and poking around the visually innocuous crime scene with the dedication of a bloodhound seeking a scent.

_'I must be more disturbed than I thought...'_Hisoka was oddly aware of the fact that he found the intense expression on Tsuzuki's usually grinning face to be rather....appealing. It definitely brought out some of the more aristocratic lines of his bone structure, which were rather attractive...

Feeling eyes on him, Tsuzuki turned, his expression shifting to one of pure concern. "You feeling any better 'Soka?"

Gah! Caught staring! Act cool, pretend like nothing was happening..."I'm fine, Tsuzuki. Find anything intere..." His sentence ended in a sort of undignified 'oomph' as Tsuzuki wrapped him in strong arms and cradled him close. Warm affection, concern, and a sharp tang of a sort of protectiveness twitched through Hisoka's still shaky shielding, accompanied by a minute tightening of the arms holding him. "Ummm....Tsuzuki?"

"You look terrible, kid." Tsuzuki's voice was muffled as he pressed his face against Hisoka's downy hair, breathing in the smell of his shampoo. "I am going to take you over to Watari."

"Like hell you are! We are in the middle of a case!" Damn, but it was hard to be effectively indignant while being cradled like a baby. Hisoka managed to get some fire in his voice, but that didn't change the fact that he was still all but engulfed in Tsuzuki's open trench, enfolded in possessive arms, and really not capable of much movement as a result. "Tsuzuki!"

"I am sure Tatsumi would be willing to lend a hand while you rest. Time is money, ya know." Hisoka managed a strangled sort of snarl in reply, which prompted an angelic sort of innocence to beam across Tsuzuki's face. "You _know_ I would rather work with you, 'Soka-chan, no need to be jealous."

"Put me down, you fucking idiot!"

"Nope." There was a definite smile in Tsuzuki's voice, but his face was dead serious. "The reason being that while I really don't want to, I am also quite sure that the further you are from whatever psychic residue is plastered all over this place, the better you will feel." Hisoka tried to flail about in an infuriated fashion, and Tsuzuki only clutched him tighter. "With all due respect, kid, I am right and you know it." _'Anyway, I don't like how hard that hit you. It doesn't seem...right. There shouldn't be that much emotional trash sitting around here when the victim looks like she was...well...bored to death. Need to get you someplace while I try and figure out what the hell happened here.' _Ignoring his protesting partner, Tsuzuki proceeded back to the office.

"26."

Hisoka stopped and glared at Watari. The scientist was perched on the edge of a table, legs swinging, 003 settled comfortably under his left ear. "What the _hell_ are you counting?"

"Times you have paced across my lab since Tsuzuki deposited you here." He sighed, the movement jostling his long hair perilously close to a lit Bunsen burner for one instant before it settled into its usual waves along his back. "Tsuzuki did ask me to make sure you got some rest. I don't think plowing a trench in my floor with your feel alone counts as rest." He narrowed his bright eyes and gazed intently at Hisoka for a long minute. "You do look a bit pale ya know."

"Well, I did spend a good minute or three throwing up everything that idiot of a partner forced me to eat this morning. That will do wonders for your complexion."

"Ooooh! Sarcasm! You cant be that ill after all!" Watari kicked off the desk to land with a practiced grace amidst the clutter of beakers and odd colored liquids and powders. "You been getting enough sleep?"

"You know I have been sleeping better. You ask me every damn day."

"Care to tell the doctor what has changed in your lifestyle that might account for such a wonderful end to your insomnia?"

"Right now all I really care to do is punch the doctor in the face." _'Ah, violence. The best reaction ever to cover embarrassment. Time honored tradition amongst males everywhere.'_ Hisoka started on trip 27 across the lab, determined to drive Watari crazy enough that the man would send him out.

"I am glad you are feeling better. You were an amazing shade of red when Tsuzuki dragged you in here. And that was a rather spectacular hit you landed on his face when he set you down." Watari grinned impishly.

"Yeah, well, he deserved that one. Dragging me in here....that and he kicked me in his sleep last night..." The last was muttered, Hisoka's attention turned now to escape plans. He had to get out of the lab, and soon. Couldn't leave Tsuzuki on the case alone. He was sure to screw it up...

He must have spoken that last bit out loud, that or Watari had an amazing telepathic ability, for the blonde answered with what was supposed to be a comforting statement. "He has Tatsumi with him, and Tatsumi wont let the case get screwed up. It would cost him too much money. He also wont let anything happen to Tsuzuki. You know that."

"Yeah, that's all well and good. But _I _should be there with him. He is _my_ partner, not Tatsumi's."

There was a slightly plaintive tone in Hisoka's voice, one Watari was sure the young man didn't notice. The scientist was almost pleased at that hint of possessive anxiety. Hisoka was genuinely unhappy about not being there with Tsuzuki. Maybe this relationship could be made to work sometime in the next century after all...


	4. In which it hits the fan

Disclaimer- still dont own the guys. sadly. though i am borrowing them for a wee bit.

ok. i did NOT intend for it to take this long for the next bit to be uploaded. and even worse, this is more transistion than anything else...my muse had eluded me for a bit, but i think i have things back under control. which is good.... hopefully the next bit will make it here SOOOON. as always, reviews are appreciated, and flames will be given to Tatsumi to deal with...  
-fireun

* * *

It was, all at once, comfortable and awkward to be working alongside Tatsumi once more. Slipping his jovial antics like a shed skin he walked silently down the street beside his old partner. He knew Tatsumi would not mistake his slouching posture for anything but the relaxed readiness to move in any direction that it was.

"You are looking rather serious today, Tsuzuki-san." Tatsumi's voice was placidly pleasant, more suited to an afternoon tea than a murder investigation.

"Do you need cheering up?" An adorably super-deformed Tsuzuki blinked impossibly huge purple eyes up at Tatsumi.

The older Shinigami chuckled quietly. "No, that's alright, Tsuzuki. I am feeling perfectly fine today."

Tsuzuki pulled a hand through his hair, grinning. "Anyway, I figured that I should earn my pay today."

"Excellent. Remind me to give Kurosaki-san a raise for inspiring such an admirable work ethic in such a hopeless case."

"TATSUMI!" Tsuzuki flailed in embarrassment.

Smiling, Tatsumi patted his friend on the shoulder and moved forward to take point. Tsuzuki sulked for another minute or so, then shoved his hands in deep pockets and returned to business. There had to be some explanation for the deaths…there was no apparent pattern apart from their sex, no connection between where and when the bodies were found. The killings themselves almost seemed as nonchalant as the faces of the deceased. "I hold to my previous analysis, Tatsumi. He is boring them to death."

"So we can count our usual suspect off of our so very short list."

"Tatsumi…Muraki _was_ the list initially." Tsuzuki heaved a frustrated sigh. "If it weren't for some sort of emotional residue that inspired Hisoka to puke all over his favorite shoes I would hesitate to label these as murders at all. There is just nothing _there_."

"If only we could have Kurosaki-kun…"

"No." The vehement denial in Tsuzuki's voice startled Tatsumi into pausing and looking back. The younger Shinigami's face was set, his eyes hard. "I don't want 'Soka anywhere _near_ this. It hurt him, Tatsumi." Tsuzuki shook his head once, frowning. "I don't want him hurt."

"You know he won't leave you alone on this case, Tsuzuki."

"Well, I figured that if I asked you to help out when he wasn't feeling well, he would stew over that long enough for us to figure things out." A half-smile danced across his face. "Watari tells me 'Soka is the jealous type." Tatsumi emitted a sound that Tsuzuki could only describe as a snicker, which was not at all the sort of reaction he expected from the usually aloof and conservative secretary. He blinked once or twice, verified that that was in face a smile on Tatsumi's face, and had the grace to blush. "I didn't mean it like that…"

"No, it's alright." Tatsumi brushed a hand across his face, composing his features. "You two are quite the pair. Stop blushing, I am being serious."

"Tatsumi, you are _always_ serious." There was an all-suffering note to Tsuzuki's voice, a slight whine accompanied by watery eyes.

"Tsuzuki." Tatsumi sighed. "You can't stay serious for a minute, can you?"

"Well…"Whatever else Tsuzuki was planning to say died on his lips as erratic movement caught the corner of his eye. The two Shinigami were wandering through a park near where the last victim had been located, and despite the early hour, there was a figure hovering alongside one of the park benches, with not so much as a cigarette or dog to explain his early morning outing. Warning bells chiming madly in his head, Tsuzuki walked over, a smile plastered on his face. "Good morning! I was wondering…"

It is an unwritten law that time will slow to a splendid craw whenever something horrific is about to happen, almost as if to make sure the event will leave an impression on the intended victim, or that they will have that extra time to consider fully the tragedy that is about to transpire. Whatever the reason, the man raised his head ever so slowly, a bit of dew slinking off the rim of a baseball cap and hanging for a moment, catching the early morning sun in shimmering glory in front of pale eyes that met Tsuzuki's with a shock. _'Ah, shit…Sorry 'Soka…'_

And Tsuzuki's world imploded.


	5. In which the case is solved?

Disclaimer - dont own them, just borrowing them.

I dont mean to be full of cliff hangers, really i dont....Well, i got the next bit posted. angst and more angst. sorry! fluff soon to follow. and sometimes fluff leads to more interesting sorts of...stuff. i appreciate the reviews! thankee so much!  
-fireun

* * *

Hatred…hurt…

Hisoka lurched forward, slamming into one of Watari's chairs, halted in yet another trip pacing across the lab as his stomach convulsed.

So much hatred…

He threw up defenses a second before he managed to comprehend that the emotion was not directed at him. The acidic tang of bile burned its way to the back of his mouth as he recognized that particular brand of self loathing. "Tsuzuki!" Something was horribly wrong…there should be no force on earth capable of causing such anguish in his partner, he was with Tatsumi after all. "Watari, something..."

Anger. So much anger it almost overrode the repugnance radiating from what had to be Tsuzuki. The empathy identified that cold burning as Tatsumi, a very, very irate Tatsumi. It was an invasive, calculating fury that inspired spastic shivering to surge through Hisoka's slight frame. "Wa…t..ta…..tari…"

The scientist gathered the shaking youth into a firm embrace. "What can I do, Bon?"

"WATARI!" Wakaba burst into the lab, eyes wide. "We need you, now. And some sedatives or something…" When Watari moved forward, Hisoka still clutched tightly in his arms, she shook her head violently. "Leave him here, Watari. It looks like it is hitting him already, and it will only get worse the closer he gets. Tatsumi is…well, angry, and Tsuzuki is not in good shape."

"Sorry, Bon." Watari whispered before depositing Hisoka firmly atop a table. He hovered for a moment, choosing between s few vials containing some dark colored fluids and grabbing a large syringe before racing out, Wakaba hot on his heels.

'_Tsuzuki is not in good shape…'_

The words echoed through Hisoka's head, accompanied by the continual battering waves of loathing. He sat, paralyzed, for a moment before shaking his head once to clear away indecision and cobwebs. _'The hell am I doing sitting here?! They don't know how to take care of him. Not right. He needs me…It is as bad as that night…worse maybe. I don't know how I am going to get through to him.'_ Hisoka launched himself off of the desk, slammed the door open, mostly by running into it and demanding it move out of his way, and followed the burning tang of Tsuzuki's emotion like a scent hound.

He didn't notice the halls he sprinted through, the direction in which he moved; his mind was wrapped completely in his dear friend's misery. As he skidded to a halt outside the infirmary door it was as if a gauzy curtain was pulled between Tsuzuki's self-hatred and himself- the edges of the emotion were dulled, less sharp and defined. Sedatives. Finally.

"…That was inappropriate, Tatsumi!" The Chief's voice was harsh with displeasure, most likely a result of his own concern for Tsuzuki which Hisoka could feel wafting off of him.

"Sir."

"Can you two argue somewhere else? I don't want anything else to set the boy off." Watari snapped, his temper reflecting his own upset.

"Well, at least the case is solved." That drawl had to belong to Terazuma.

"The suspect dead does not quite count as solved…" a tentative response from Wakaba.

"If Tatsumi could hold his damn temper…" The Chief again…

"We all know how easily he flies off the rocker when Tsuzuki is involved." Terazuma…

"OUT." Watari all but screamed the order. "All of you. Out. NOW."

Hisoka pulled open the door and marched in, just as everyone else moved to vacate, stunned by Watari's demand. The scene inside the infirmary caused his heart to pound to a shaky halt and pause before stammering back into some sort of stressful rhythm. Watari knelt beside a bed, and on that bed lay Tsuzuki, his face a study in pain. His beautiful purple eyes were almost black with anguish, his face lined with agony, pale and sweating. The arms of his shirt were torn and stained a suspicious red in placed; resembling the tears a vicious clawing would result in. Tatsumi knelt by the head of the bed, hands hovering over Tsuzuki's limp arms, almost as if he had been restraining the other man…

"Tsuzuki…" Wakaba had been right. Even muted by sedatives Tsuzuki's emotions _burned_. "What happened to him?"

"Well…" Chief Konoe started.

"Out." Watari reiterated, not giving an inch. "Hisoka, Tatsumi, stay. All the rest of you, out. This is an infirmary, not a café. Go gossip somewhere else." As soon as the group reluctantly vacated, Watari turned to Tatsumi and nodded once. "Alright, let bon know what happened."

Tatsumi closed his eyes and took a deep breath, leaning a bit back from his hovering position and composing his thoughts. "To be brief, and to the point, when we were investigating this morning we came across an individual in the park. Tsuzuki approached him to start conversation. The man looked up at him…and as soon as their eyes met…" Another deep breath, this one less for cleansing and more to steady himself, then Tatsumi continued. "When their eyes met, Tsuzuki began to scream. The sound…you have to understand, I…"

"Tatsumi took a rather aggressive position at that point." Watari finished, grimacing. "Which resulted in our suspect ending up rather dead."

"From what I can tell, that…man did something to Tsuzuki, almost an empathic assault, which managed to bring back all of Tsuzuki's negative emotions, namely his self deprecating tendency." The usually aloof man sagged; face a mass of unhappiness and anger. "I am assuming he did actual kill all of our victims using a similar tactic, some sort of emotional surge which stopped the heart before they could even facially register the emotion. Tsuzuki presents an interesting barrier to such a power, as he is technically already dead, and his mind has accumulated enough guilt and self hatred through the years to drive any other man past all recovery. So. Instead of dropping dead, Tsuzuki just immersed himself in a familiar sort of emotional bog, leaving him in a state much like when…that man had him."

Hatred raced through Hisoka, the emotion all his own this time; his stock response to any mention of Muraki. He dropped his attention from the despondent Tatsumi, returning his gaze to Tsuzuki's tortured face. "The sedatives will keep him settled for a bit, right Watari?" He managed in a raspy voice.

"That is the plan…"

"Could you leave then please? Both of you?" He was ashamed of the note of pleading he heard in his voice, but pride would not help him here. Tsuzuki needed him.

"For just a bit, bon. I will be back in an hour to check on him." Watari stood, his eyes soft with understanding. "C'mon Tatsumi, lets get some coffee in you and we can try and work things out with the others. Let's see if we can't get the rest of this case hashed out as best we can before we need Tsuzuki's input."

Hisoka watched Watari lead Tatsumi out, waited a few heartbeats longer, then rushed to Tsuzuki's bedside. _'Oh, Tsuzuki…'_ Hisoka hesitated only a second or two before brushing a hand across Tsuzuki's cheek, wincing as a stronger flash of Tsuzuki's emotion crashed through him.

_...Killed them all. Killed them. Hurt. Don't be afraid of me. Don't hate me…I hate me. I don't deserve to exist…deserve to die. Should die…_

Hisoka bit his lip, hard, to center himself back in his own head. "Tsuzuki. I am here. I don't hate you, I am not afraid of you. Don't leave me Tsuzuki. Please. You promised…"


	6. In which a nap is taken

Disclaimer - still dont own the boys.

Well, instead of working on term papers i am writing fics. seemed like a better idea at the time... as always, reviews make me oh so happy and encourage me to get my arse in gear and write more faster! hope you all are enjoying!!!  
-fireun

* * *

There is something about the atmosphere of a sick room that smothers the optimism out of anyone who chances in. The infirmary of Meifu was no exception. Tsuzuki lay still and pale on his bed, seeming for all the world to be some sort of poorly done wax model of the real thing, missing the animated lines and tightly curled energy. Hisoka stared, completely at a loss, realizing to his chagrin after a few moments that he was crying. Tsuzuki…protective, caring, _beautiful_ Tsuzuki looked so small and broken laying in that bed. The predictability he depended on, the jokes, the smiles, the little shows of affection, all of that lay motionless on an infirmary bed.

He could feel his legs give, too late to save himself with any sort of grace. Not that there was anyone in the room that needed impressing. The only other individual was so far gone on mental trauma and calming drugs he was questionable if he was able to recognize the fact that he was a uniquely sentient being. Hisoka fell against the bed with a thump, slamming his kneecap against its metal frame. Pain shot to his toes, and he fell into an undignified pile half on and half off the bed, crying in frustration as well as unhappiness.

Tsuzuki didn't so much as twitch.

Hisoka glared at his partner, wanting so badly to be angry, to fall comfortably into his usual mode of coping. The knowledge that Tsuzuki wasn't going to stare up at him with endearingly wide eyes, lower lip quivering slightly as he tried to beg for forgiveness…it made the posturing of being irate pointless. It was an attempt towards acting in a play where the other participants were incapacitated. The spark of Hisoka's anger burned itself out in a burst of realization; Tsuzuki was not _there_. Frantic he touched a slack cheek, furrowed forehead…trying to urge some sort of response from his partner. He even resorted to running a finger along Tsuzuki's ear; something he knew drove the other man into fits of twitching giggles at the most inappropriate times. Nothing. Any other time Hisoka would have been appalled at the desperate whimper that emerged from his throat as he pressed his face against Tsuzuki's, hauling himself completely onto the bed in the process.

He curled up there, spooning against his partner, silently sobbing with his eyes pressed shut. He must have fallen asleep at some point, for when Watari peeked in an hour later the interior of the infirmary made his heart twitch in a warm sort of grief. Hisoka was curled against Tsuzuki's lean form, hands clenched in the mans white dress shirt, face pressed into his chest. Tsuzuki's eyes were closed, which was a welcome change, but Watari could see them tracking unsettled dreams behind eyelids. The most encouraging part of scene was that Tsuzuki had apparently managed, at some point, to wrap an arm tight around Hisoka's smaller form, as if to make sure his partner didn't wander off.

Feeling oddly like he was intruding upon something rather private Watari made a decision. He capped the syringe and quietly closed the door. Sedatives were not what Tsuzuki needed most. Unless he threatened to destroy the building or himself in another fit of self loathing, Watari was going to leave the calming to Hisoka.

Hisoka woke, sometime later to feeling something warm on his face, something tight around his middle, and waves of unhappiness beating at his head like a migraine. Warm and wet…unhappiness…Tsuzuki must have started crying, consciously or still caught up in his own self hatred. He twisted a bit, finding it hard to move in what proved to be a rather desperate embrace on Tsuzuki's part, and attempted to see his partners face. Purple eyes were open, and most definitely aware and quite obviously unhappy with that development. Tears looked like a permanent addition to Tsuzuki's face at this point, as well as lines that should never mar such a caring individual.

"I'm sorry." Tsuzuki whispered in a raspy voice, and something in the back of Hisoka's mind suggested that this was not the first or even tenth time Tsuzuki had uttered those words in the past half hour.

"Ass." Hisoka growled. "Let me go a bit, and stop apologizing already. You didn't do anything worth it that I am aware of."

Chagrin flavored like bile shocked off of Tsuzuki as he jerked his arm off of Hisoka. "I'm sor…"

Able, finally, to seek some sort of comfort in irritability, Hisoka cuffed Tsuzuki gently on the shoulder. "Didn't I say stop apologizing?" Tsuzuki was so warm next to him, and Hisoka's still half-asleep mind wanted nothing more than to curl back up and bask in that comforting warmth. Unthinking, that warm and happy part of his brain apparently in charge, Hisoka leaned his head back against Tsuzuki's shoulder, huffing out a quiet sigh. A tense sort of stillness quivered in Tsuzuki's every muscle, and his emotions were swamped with indecision, confusion, and a hesitant sort of happiness, all tinged with that destructive guilt.

"If Tatsumi hadn't killed the bastard, I would beat the living shit out of him." Hisoka muttered, feeling Tsuzuki trying to decide whether or not to flee. "I am not moving. If you want to dump me onto the ground, go ahead. But somewhere outside that door is a Watari determined to play doctor." Tsuzuki twitched. "Choose- a nice nap, or Dr. Watari." When Tsuzuki presented no further inclination to move, Hisoka let his eyes slide back shut. "Get some sleep, idiot. You could use it."


	7. In which a talk is had

_well damn. i am so sorry this is so slow to update...thank you all for the reviews! i will try to update more often. really really. -fireun_

* * *

He was warm, he was comfortable, and there were lips on his. 

_And his and his and his and…_

Hisoka blinked, shook his head in an attempt to make sense of the things bouncing around in his head, and the motion managed to break off the feedback loop in which he and Tsuzuki had been caught up. Well, he had most definately been kissing Tsuzuki, and Tsuzuki had apparently been kissing him...

_Shame._

Tsuzuki.

The older man was currently trying to look anywhere but at Hisoka, which was quite the feat considering he was prone and Hisoka was more than mostly draped across his body. It was like catching the same part of a poorly written book over and over. Hisoka knew every nuance of this particular, peculiar, faucet of Tsuzuki's behavior, and while he was familiar with it, that didn't make it any _better_. Any second now, Tsuzuki would…yep, like clockwork, he shifted a bit, uncomfortably, still doing his best to deny the fact his eyes had ever managed to glance across the lithe form of Hisoka, patently ignoring the rather compromising fact that Hisoka was not in the least bit interested in moving.

"You realize, Tsuzuki, that not looking at me is not going to make me go away, right?" Hisoka felt Tsuzuki flinch, startled, at the sudden speech, and cuffed him lightly. "Hey, look at me!" Purple eyes grudgingly flicked to meet his own, holding steady for one wrenching moment of honesty before snapping back to a twitchy survey of the ceiling.

Hisoka turned onto his side, cradling himself against Tsuzuki's tense body, and turned his own attention to the ceiling. "Well, I must be considerably less attractive than I thought if you are favoring that view over me. Though, that one bit of mold in the corner does sort of look like 003. If you squint a bit."

"'Soka!" Tsuzuki squeaked, surprised, one arm curling around the smaller man defensively. "You are too attractive!"

"As are you. Glad we got that out of the way. If you move that arm I will kill you." Hisoka snapped the last, feeling Tsuzuki preparing to withdraw as he realized what exactly he had just done. "We are going to have a little conversation right now, Tsuzuki. I am going to sit up in a moment, and you are going to pay attention. First though…"

There were some things that just didn't work out if you thought about them; they would be come to awkward, or too formal. There was nothing formal about kissing, and there never should be. That and if he stopped to think about it, his better sense of reason would be screaming and demanding to know just what the merry hell he was _doing_. Hisoka leaned forward, planted a firm kiss on Tsuzuki's lips, and sat up, more than a little uncomfortable with the fact he was looming over the other man, but unwilling to take the time to do anything about it.

"I was afraid I had lost you, Tsuzuki." He managed in a quiet voice.

"I…"

"I was jealous when that girl was making eyes at you in the café."

"But…" Tsuzuki couldn't get a word in around Hisoka's determined speech, but he was determined to give it a try at least.

"I was embarrassed as all hell when you gave me that flower."

"Sor…"

"And damn it, I did not mind the fact that you kissed me. Or I kissed you. Or whatever was going on when we woke up." Hisoka leaned close, catching Tsuzuki's eyes and holding them. "I like being near you. I like being with you. I like you."

Tsuzuki looked like someone had punched him in the gut, his face was a blank study of abject surprise and his mouth hung open in a sort of idiotic gape.

"You are going to catch flies if you leave your mouth hanging open like that." Hisoka grumped, pulled away, slightly embarrassed. He hated…emoting really. Hated that hint of vulnerability that came with it.

But there were some things that were worth it.

Tsuzuki was worth it.

This time he most definitely thought about it for a moment, his face softening slightly as he leaned forward. Tsuzuki must have seen something in his eyes, for a silly sort of grin broke through surprise and anxiety, and he leaned up a bit, meeting Hisoka's lips just about halfway.


End file.
